The Story of the Giant Quofs and the Expansion of the Universe
Once upon a time, a race of giants overran the universe. There were so many of them and they were so big and bold and bouncy there wasn’t room for anyone else. Besides, this was a billionth of a billionth of a billionth of a second after the universe had sprung into being and everything was much closer together than it is today. In fact, the giants were so crowded and so busy racing around trying to do everything – because everything was ever so new and exciting – that they spent most of their time bumping into each other and getting frustrated and forgetting what it was that they were going to do in the first place.
If anything new had sprung into being at this time it would have got trodden on before anyone could say Quanta of the Unified Field or Qoufs — which is how the giants would have thought of themselves if they’d paused long enough to give it any thought, but as I’ve said they were ever so busy. Eventually these big, bold, bouncy, busy Quofs got bored of bumping into each other all the time and never getting to do any of the fun things they thought there might be to do if there was enough room for doing. So they decided to ask the Great Unknown for more room to play in.
The Great Unknown said that it could be done, but at a price.
“Sure,” squeaked one as his toes got trodden on. “Anything,” howled another as she got elbowed in her eye. “Just give us more time and space,” they cried.
“Very well,” said the Great Unknown. “It is done.”
Immediately, the Quofs started to move away from each other.
At first it was all fabulous fun. There was finally enough room for doing. They could do four things at once if they wanted to and of course they all wanted to. But as they moved apart it became more and more difficult to do four things at once because now there was something called near and something called far and there was space in between.
Some fun things you could only do if you were really near to each other. Other things you could only do if you had lots of space, like zoom around as fast as you possibly could. Then there was dancing, which they had heard was immensely fun. You had to be near enough to move together, but you also had to have some room to move in. All these options. This was the price the Great Unknown had spoken of, and as the Quofs got farther apart they couldn’t do four things at once anymore. They would have to choose.
One group of Quofs liked dancing better than any other sort of doing. So they span off in a group and learned to dance better than any Quof had ever danced before. As they danced they began to shrink and change until they weren’t Quofs anymore but something new: gravitons. To this day gravitons still whirl and twirl and circle and spin. They have ever so much fun that everything nearby wants to dance too. It’s the gravitons that send galaxies and stars, planets and comets swirling and whirling around each other.
A second group of Quofs liked sticking things together better than anything else. So they started to clump together, learning to stick better than any Quof had ever stuck before. As they got stickier they began to shrink and change until they weren’t Quofs anymore but something new: gluons. To this day gluons still stick things together. They have ever so much fun sticking things together that they’ve made up the building blocks of almost everything that exists today.
With the gluons busy sticking things together, there was suddenly lots more space in the Universe. The Quofs that were left didn’t feel nearly so giant anymore. In fact, they began to feel quite small and lonely. One group decided that what they’d like to do better than anything else would be to help others so that the universe wouldn’t be quite so overwhelming.
This pleased the Great Unknown so much that it decided to give them two gifts. Although they shrank and changed as they became better at what they’d chosen to do, the Great Unknown gave them the power to get big again, just for a little while, when they needed to. The second gift they received was the ability to help others change when they got bored of what they’d chosen to do. These helper Quofs became known as the zeds and the double-yews. The zeds and the double-yews have ever so much fun helping everyone that they lit the first fires that set stars blazing to let everyone in the universe know they are not alone.
The last remaining Quofs were the busiest and boldest of the bunch. What they liked to do best of all was to race around as fast as they could possibly go. They were still so bouncy that when they ran into someone else they made them bounce too. As they got faster and faster they began to shrink and change until they weren’t Quofs anymore but something new: photons. To this day photons still race around the universe faster than anyone else. They have ever so much fun racing around that when they do run into someone they give them a boost of energy, lighting up the universe with their joy.
The gravitons, the gluons, the double-yews and the zeds and the feisty photons lived happily ever after in an ever-expanding universe.
Written by Alette Willis